Absurdity # 33: the French cousin Summer 1998.
I'm 18.
I just spent the year fooling around at school in humanities, so to pass the 3 / 4 of my classes at the college cafeteria.
I know too much about what I m'enligne but my early summer promises to be meeting with my famous distant cousin.
Distant confused by family ties and because it comes from afar is a French woman.
She is 14, I 18.
She spends a month with us, because my parents thought it would be nicer for her to be with me than with my grandparents old and obviously not sorteux.
Say I anticipate this long period as an intensive babysitting.
I'm at an age when the idea is to join the fun my friend (s), go out, drink, party and not take care of a little younger than 4 years my junior.
In short, I'm not trying Pantoute.
-
On his arrival, I organize myself a face to not look too stupid.
My parents are responsible to pick her up at the airport and on my side I'll see her once she is at home, not before.
I try to imagine.
I am not sure what to expect.
I say we'll see bin.
-
I hear the car coming, my parents seem to unload the suitcases, my grandmother raves.
I not hear it, I wonder if it is there.
I think she may be shy and she dares not speak too much.
They enter.
I welcome them and falls on everything except what I had imagined.
I thought, I know, small, pretty girl indeed.
And now I have before me a real woman, huge tits bonus.
she just hides in a straightjacket SO evocative.
I'm 18, not too sure of my femininity even though I "pogne" anyway.
And the bimbo who lands.
Finally, I introduce myself anyway:
- D. Hi, my name is Mr. How are you? You did a good flight?
I understand nothing of what she says because she speaks as if she had a potato in his mouth.
- How?
- Yeah, right, all right ... The flight was shit, hell c'tait customs, what a mess, and there, well it took time. . Shit, damn, it's really the shit your system here ...
I see my parents and my grandmother that I confirm the view that, yes, we pogne the jackpot: a jaded Parisian.
Fuck, the beginning of this summer will be long as I can tell.
I knew not how.
-
course, starting and whining about everything, but really everything.
- It's no movie, damn!
- No, but it tastes like shit c'te food!
- Damn, you get shit here!
My mother, a teenager in crisis.
My father, an ill-bred.
Me: little paper tabarnak.
I'm already more capable after a day.
My parents try to be understanding with her and I stress gently but firmly, that I should get to meet my friend (e) s.
Esti.
I call the world and I told them that "French" is coming.
-
My friend V. picks me up with her boyfriend S.
Both greet me, appear to D.
She serves them an air of ass powerful enough.
It gets in the car, beside me V., French and her boyfriend back, question me a break, however small.
S. him it chatters and V. took advantage to slip a low
- Faque, s't'une mad?
- Wan.
- Are you the same all the time?
- According to you?
- Ishhh. Ok I seriously sympathize.
- Thanks Ben.
- A did you hair in the armpits as the real French?
- V!
- Ben what ....
We drive to get V's brother, a young man of 15 we hope to tape the French for the afternoon question to have peace and it shows his balls in this little prepubescent innocence, with no.
deceased were moved to Green Lake in the late City of St. Romuald on the south shore of Quebec.
A well-kept secret: a kind of lagoon blue, green version, and no Brooke Shields.
The French moved with his bimbo big balls in a suggestive bikini and asks if she can be topless.
Malaise.
She let them.
It is certainly too stuck to her, she looks quite felt contempt.
Calisse it is: we just want to piss off the .
's brother V. really look like a kid next to D, then there are not too put on a perfect game.
She chatters anyway, he seems to find common ground and she abandons sunbathing to go swimming with him.
V. watch them bicker off - the French launches cries suggestive - and said
- Esti, tries to top!
- Spa serious ...
- Well, I do not want to pervert my little brother either, I'm sure that's the bugs!
- V. ben you're dumb!
- Ben ... what
V. sends her boyfriend to scout suddenly.
We see them continue to bicker, S. Aboard also must say it seems to have a way to coax men around her.
V. and I have the opportunity to catch up on our respective gossip and sunbathing a bit.
the afternoon passes, the French are busy having fun with two guys, everything is correct.
Just before entering the car, I look good by showing up properly.
My eyes widen when I noticed two dark spots on her armpits.
We leave the car, I put loud music and am leaning towards V.:
- I'll confirm that it is a "real French".
V. look at me:
- Ark.
-
It comes in V., it DOMPE his little brother and we go home. My parents invite everyone to dinner.
The French turns and comes back with a package even lighter than before.
V. and I will try it the food down - we all eat in my room on the floor - and the time we go back, we find it évachée on my bed, stuck on S.
We look helpless, make a signs of distress and helplessness to V. who has sparks in the eyes.
I watch with eyes assassins.
It supports my gaze with a smile.
The p'tite christ. She knows what she does.
Dinner ends quickly enough and V. hurries go away with her boyfriend.
She whispers in her ear not want that and we left, promising to call the next day.
I put the plates and let the evil French to get by her party platform perspective.
-
2 or 3 days later the phone rang in my room.
I answer and hear someone sing a kind of generic action movies and then say:
- Armaguidoune! A French landed on earth and fucks everything that moves. Coming soon to a theater near you!
- Good, good. V. have you told?
is my friend J, a specialist in ridicule.
- Ben told me that some! What c'te chippies there? Take me there you'll see, you had me tame me there!
- Nope, no need, s'tune p'tite christ, that's all.
- Wan, Ben has just not at the bar with us tonight!
- Nanon j'la not lag.
- Good.
I hung up and told me that I have still nearly three weeks to hit me with her in the background.
Osti.
-
I decided to organize a party at my house and by extension, with my parents.
Good excuse, I say it's for the French, but in fact c is rather the anniversary of V.
My parents accept and will spend the night at my grandmother to let us home.
I invite all my world, it looks quite a party memorable.
I thought not say so.
-
There is a lot of people, the house is full.
The French quickly gets drunk and tries cruiser most guys who found there.
I take almost pity.
I go around my world, everything goes well, the evening takes off.
Later, much later, so really everyone is pretty drunk, I found myself outside with V. and J.
J. seems nervous, he wants to tell us something, it seems important.
It gently encourages.
He then pulled himself together and seems to have found a way to say what he has to say:
- V. Tse, remember this that told you wanted for your birthday?
- Uh ... ben ... I dunno ... no?
- Yeah, I'm sure you remember, you said that in Nias, tse a joke?
- Well, I say quite a bit of silliness J. then find that, well it's like a bad challenge!
She laughs, not include too much in benefits, while J. resumed his ideas by looking elsewhere - and stares at me, raising both hands seem to say "he is coming from where he is?".
I shrug my shoulders, as in misunderstanding it.
J. returned to the charge:
- Tse, you said that your party will love you for it to have a gay friend?
- Uh ... well yeah, but c'tait a joke there, j'trouvais qu'la girl in the film there, the film flies? tk, she was lucky that his best friend is gay and tell him all his business there ... Ben is just that ... Uh .. bin how?
- Ben ... you're going to get your gay friend!
- Uh ... Scuse, but not j'comprends ...
V. I look again. I smiled:
- From him he speaks V.
V. is in shock.
- You're ... 're ... wait minute there ...
- Yes, I'm gay V.
V. takes a while and suddenly, yet really drunk:
- Ouch! I have a gay friend! This is sick .. wow!
J. look at me turn smiled.
L'annonce a bien passé, il a détourné ça par l'humour, comme toujours.
Un beau moment, un grand moment.
Et la française débarque.
- J't'ai entendu! T'es une putain de tapette! Une tante quoi!
En plus d'être méchante, insultante, elle lui gâche un moment précieux: la libération, le moment où il décide d'enlever son fardeau, le droit d'enfin exprimer ce qu'il est vraiment.
Je suis en tabarnak, I have no words.
is the first time in my life that I want to beat a girl and I feel that if it comes out, I'll finally understand why the battles between women are so violent.
J. withdraws further, V. approached and told me to drop it.
I went just a little wild French:
- Describes my view.
She staggers a little and goes away I know not where, frustrated and not quite aware of what she has to do.
Time passes, J. stands there talking to me and V.
A friend of J. part is a walk after bawled for 1 hour hearing that he was gay, she loved him for about 2 years.
Suddenly, someone comes to pick me.
- Uh, because your cousin garrocha bottles of beer on the house next door she screams worse we are all idiots ...
Calis!
I garrocha out course until she and pogne.
The party is so over.
-
I tell all this to my parents who are getting a lot of them slap the little shit exile.
Fly cigarettes in secret to my mother, beer in the fridge, stealing money, sends shit everyone, etc..
It supports the sentence, and we not know what to do with it.
My mother asks me for a final service, then learning that I go to a bar that night.
- Take-away.
- Oh Mom ... No!
- If-you-please.
is the tone that says I have not much choice.
Good.
I dragged along with us.
We go into a bar exactly where we always have before we enter ale 18.
We entered through the door to back away from the bouncers.
An older friend opens the door while someone watches and presto, it is within, without pay and, most importantly, without card.
We did this for 3 years, so 15 to 18.
But here, we repeated the trick because it is stiff and stuffed with p'tite christ.
We thus arrive at the bar and my friend gets inside for us to open the famous door.
While it waits behind the bar to get open, come what ever happened to us in 3 years.
Police.
Tabarnak.
The paddy wagon approaching, lights flashing .
- Police! What were you doing behind the bar?
- Uh ... we waited for friends to smoke a cigarette!
- No. You try to get into the bar, we saw you. Can I have your ID cards please?
I inwardly leaving coronation my wallet and my card. He looks at my cousin who, for once, shut his mouth.
- It counts for you too, maps.
I take a deep breath. The French is paralyzed. I have to take matters in hand, because it seems to have lost the ability to speak.
- It is not here.
- Do I have spoken to you? You, I said your cards!
- She has not!
- Hey, you sounded j'tai you?
In addition, I have a zealous pogne which has a power trip.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Calisse I am, I still same.
- She's not card because it has no age ok?
- Ah wah? It leads to minors in bars? You know that in addition to your fine for trying to illegally enter the bar, I can give you one for that girl bring it with you there!
He looks so happy the Calis.
I'm in the shit. Because of a p'tite fucking tiring and more.
After I gave a talk at the bar violence, corruption worse many other cases, the officer decides to let the fine but to call my parents to make me moral.
It calls to me about being more moralistic, but it does not respond. That evening, my parents work until midnight, so they are not there.
The policeman let us go, but says he'll still call my parents to tell them what I did wrong.
The evening ends on a shish Taouk depressing and not very late and a homecoming stressful.
We arrive and my parents are lying.
Tomorrow's sermon.
-
The next day I get up while still asleep and my cousin's father welcomed me into the kitchen.
- Good morning ...
- Hi ...
- Wicked yesterday evening like this ...
- wan ...
I'm afraid of what he will say.
- ... So, why have you called the police?
- Yes ...
- Y told you what?
- Well, there's just enough time to tell me not being brought girls of 14 years in bars, it was not an environment for them and you'd been wrong high thinking of doing business well.
- How does it "just in time"?
- Ben, because I sent it sucks.
I am incredulous.
- Uh, shit you sent?
- Sure! Hey, it will teach me not to do my role as a father to him there! J'lui said that girls of 14 years doing business ben worse than just walk into a bar that's too bad about it that we should focus too bad squealing patience.
- Uh .. . ok. You're not angry?
- why not?
Saved.
-
Tomorrow is the beginning of the last two weeks with her cousin.
My father brings the evening to a show at the Festival of Quebec Summer.
Surprisingly, they come really early and cousin drove into her room, screaming.
I will see my father.
- Let's see, what happened?
- We listened to a show, the music was super good and suddenly African rhythms in the tune to put bad miss to say racist comments and forth.
- Ok .. worse after?
- Well, I yelled to everyone, zero tolerance for it myself, and I told him we came home now and that from tomorrow, from your grandmother it will be bored for the next two weeks.
The case was settled well cousin.
soon in dompée grandmother, soon forgotten.
No touching goodbye at the airport, no wrenching farewells.
In my family, when we cut, cut.
I've ever reviewed.
She called me a few years later, when I visited Montreal.
She told me that I had it been like a sister to her.
I said it was the bullshit and I thought no more of it that she the thought of me.
She never restored to new.
Start a new regular series for Iron Man in Marvel Heroes Extra # 5 . 
cinema the reverse is much more hypothetical. Moreover, all the people I know in my surroundings, and who have seen Spider-Man or X-Men on the big screen have not been provided to read comics. And then, I remember when I went to see Rasta Rockett is the same, I did not subscribe to much to Bobsleigh Magazine. 
cinema the reverse is much more hypothetical. Moreover, all the people I know in my surroundings, and who have seen Spider-Man or X-Men on the big screen have not been provided to read comics. And then, I remember when I went to see Rasta Rockett is the same, I did not subscribe to much to Bobsleigh Magazine. 
, nothing to say, the drawings are quite correct. Let's move directly to the case of this good Fredo. Already, in the final paninien speech, it is described as "great writer". Nothing too surprising, since they speak to someone (unless it Straczynski ), one gets the impression that this is the eighth wonder of the world. He made some very good things that Van Lente, whether X-Men Black , on his recent visit Amazing Spider-Man or, in a very different, Super Philo . But he also wrote very average stuff (Wolverine Legac ... er, no, Wolverine First Class ) and even sometimes rather nazes (its Marvel Zombies frankly not the best of the series). Here he is in one of its moments rather Suck. We can look for hours, there is not the beginning of the beginning of every bit of interest in these five episodes. One does not start, it is not moved either, there is no suspense and even less practical interest (in this context, the common border between presented here Latveria seems difficult and Transit to reconcile with the clean Atlas Marvel ) is slack in the dish placed on the vacuum. 
, nothing to say, the drawings are quite correct. Let's move directly to the case of this good Fredo. Already, in the final paninien speech, it is described as "great writer". Nothing too surprising, since they speak to someone (unless it Straczynski ), one gets the impression that this is the eighth wonder of the world. He made some very good things that Van Lente, whether X-Men Black , on his recent visit Amazing Spider-Man or, in a very different, Super Philo . But he also wrote very average stuff (Wolverine Legac ... er, no, Wolverine First Class ) and even sometimes rather nazes (its Marvel Zombies frankly not the best of the series). Here he is in one of its moments rather Suck. We can look for hours, there is not the beginning of the beginning of every bit of interest in these five episodes. One does not start, it is not moved either, there is no suspense and even less practical interest (in this context, the common border between presented here Latveria seems difficult and Transit to reconcile with the clean Atlas Marvel ) is slack in the dish placed on the vacuum. 
